A window to my grief for my cousin and how grief is the continuation of love for someone you lose in physical form! It’s the anguish of love for someone that has no place to go! It can’t be directed towards the person or animal you were attached to in physical form. And the pain attached to your grief is a measure of the love you have for them. Let it go somewhere! And one day you will come to a place where you have a ritual around it, you find that person in something, you create a new type of relationship with them in the new form that you find them in, and life does go on! Also the way that the loss changes your attitude towards life, and the changes you make, is you continuing your relationship and love with the being you lost in physical form! Loss breaks our illusion of forever, wakes us up to the truth of how precious life is, and makes us live more!

Dear Ivan, my favorite pics of you remain the ones of your passionate moments with your love and not the motorcycles. Equally strong passion in both types of photos, the former gave you life, the latter took it. You always had fire in you! And it gives me peace that you lived love and passion with another person and not an object. Your passion went to the deadly motorcycle after your relationship ended, and only because you were too young to be able to contain your passion safely and in a grounded way, on your own. Can’t believe it’s been 8 years since you left Earth. The trauma and tears are fresh as if it happened yesterday! The worst day of my life!!!!! Getting the call from my mom that you crashed! My heart crashed and has never been whole since! My husband and children have glued it together and given me new meaning. But the pain is still there and it won’t go away until I see you again! Grateful to God for giving me you as a cousin. He knew that our mothers could not handle us as siblings! When I reach the stars with music and prayer, I feel your spirit! I know you’re having a blast in Heaven! You are always a party! Love and miss you in human form! 🦋😢🖤

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